#21 Overreacting About Politics

DISCLAIMER: We here at Stuff Christians Like do not in any way officially support or oppose any political candidate, party, or position. We do not in any way intend to discuss who you should vote for or what party you should support. This post is more about being a Christian than it is about who you should or shouldn’t have voted for, or who is or is not president. That being said, let’s get to business.

Well, dear readers, this is it. It’s time for we Christians to gather as one, and bid adieu to Christianity as we know it in the United States of America. On November 4th, we elected Barack Hussein Obama as our next president, and that means that on January 20th, when he is sworn into office, Christianity will no longer exist within the borders of this once-great nation. It’s all downhill from here, friends. Soon our churches will be closed, remodeled, and reopened as abortion clinics and gay bathhouses, and the lack of those familiar buildings will greatly diminish our ability to worship God. In fact, God has decided that he’s going to leave the United States entirely, figuring now that the United States has elected Barack Obama, He might as well give up on Americans and try to spread His message in a holier place like Bangkok or Amsterdam. That’s right, God is vacating the United States, because he’s just as frustrated with Democrats as you are. If we want to maintain the religious freedoms America used to provide for us, it’s time for we Christians to pack up and move.

Okay, let’s turn the sarcasm off for a moment, and get to the point. Christians love to pretend that being Christian is easier when there’s a Republican in office, and that maintaining a healthy relationship with Jesus is darn near impossible when one of those big-city-liberal-Muslim-types gets all comfy in the oval office. If you have an aunt who 1) has been going to church for more than five years and 2) has an email address, no doubt you already know this. For the past six months or so, you’ve received emails outlining just how unholy Barack Obama is, and since he is unholy, and now he’s president, that must mean that you too are now unholy simply by living in the same country. Included in those emails is such damning information like:

a) Barack Obama has lied to his parents.

b) Barack Obama tends to agree with his own political party.

c) Not everyone Barack Obama has ever spoken to is a completely nice person.

d) His middle name is Hussein… you know, like that Saddam guy? They’re brothers.

and perhaps the most offensive truth:

e) Barack Obama celebrates Halloween.

You’ve no doubt also read and studied Dr. James Dobson’s “Letter from 2012 in Obama’s America“.

…Actually… if you haven’t yet, then maybe take a pass. We’ll give you the summary: it outlines just how, according to Dr. Dobson, your nation will change in the next four years, including, but not limited to (and we are not making this up):

a) the disbanding of the Boy Scouts of America due to fear of homosexual troop leaders molesting young boys on camping trips.

b) the inclusion of pornography on television at all hours of the day, free for children to watch.

c) the exclusion of adults over 80 years of age from American hospitals.

d) Barnes & Noble entirely eliminating its Christian book section in large part due to Obama sympathizing with parading homosexual protesters.

e) four Supreme Court justices being replaced by liberal puppets of the evil President Obama.

This, dear Christian readers, is the future Dr. James Dobson sees for America, and it may be the future you see as well. And remember, since this and most of the other information you receive in your email is coming from fellow Christians, it must be completely and 100% unbiased. We Christians aren’t interested in perpetuating our own political beliefs, we just want everyone to know the same truth we know, that’s all. That’s why you probably got as many emails about John McCain as you did about Barack Obama, right? And that’s why right after you received the link to Dr. Dobson’s letter, you got the link to this letter, too, right?

But complaining now that the evil terrorist sympathizer is already in office is futile. There’s nothing we Christians can do to change who our president is, so we at SCL would like to offer you the following guide:

How To Remain A Christian With Barack Obama As Your President:

1. Keep doing what you were doing when Bush and Clinton were president.

Here’s why:

Voting one way or another does not promise me the country that I want, or make me any more or less “Christian.” Abortion, Gays, Health Care issues, and war will always be a part of my life as an American. I guess I had better deal with it, and maybe over time, perhaps come to see my opinions changed.

…okay, maybe the last part is a stretch; Christians don’t change their opinions.